I’M NAKED
Yup, naked, but not like you might imagine. Let me explain.
From the time I said, “Voice” as the first word in my candidacy speech for Student Council President, I have been trying to find it.
I grew up in a family that thrived on making the right impression. The fact that our family owned the swankiest women’s specialty store in Reading, PA meant that dad, mom, my sister and I had to act perfectly and dress fashionably. The fact that my stepfather (I was 8 years old when my parent’s divorced) was one of the original shopping center “kings” meant that we lived an image of success in a mansion on five acres, taking shopping trips to NYC in limousines and enjoying expensive winter vacations. The fact that he suffered heart disease, meant that we had to keep it a secret to protect his kingdom.
I soon learned that mom kept secrets of her own. Secrets about why she divorced my father. Secrets about the amount of money she spent on designer fashions. Secrets about her family. Seduction was her modus operandi. Suppression was her, and soon my, protective device. My narcissistic mother suffered poor body image so she compensated for it by demanding manicured, coiffed and clothing perfection. She was incapable of physical affection. She mis-informed me that looks are everything, wearing lipstick is a bandaid on life and expressing anger is ugly.
Frustration eroded my perspective. From the outside, other than being fortunate, I was a curiosity. Pretty enough, highly driven, closed off and Miss School Spirit. On the inside, I couldn’t find the words to express my feelings. I could only write in metaphors. I gagged when I ate because I was pushing down my words. I worked harder on school work than most (ADD) to get straight A’s. I experienced depersonalization and anxiety attacks because of the negative psychological messages I received at home and the repressed family secrets. Feelings were simply not allowed. Real relationships – what were they? I hadn’t the slightest idea how to express my feelings, let alone find them.
Studying Eugene O’Nell at Germantown Academy with Miss Day was an exercise in horror. I felt oddly exposed on the pages filled with drunk revelations of anger and suppressed emotions. It was a bad model for how to express oneself and yet, boy was I attracted to the anger and family nightmares.
When I arrived at Smith College, one of the seven sister schools, I fell in love – with dance. Paradoxically, to succeed as a dancer, in addition to self-sacrifice, lots of practice and great technique, it requires transparency and honesty. Fortunately, it does not require speech. In an improvisational dance exercise involving continuously touching (other than hands) a group of people, I quickly realized that the only feeling I had was anger and rage. When I looked in the mirror – all 118 lbs. of my 5’6 1/2″ self, I saw an ugly, nearly naked girl. My mother was right. Anger is ugly. I felt that I was turned inside out and my world, thusly, upside down.
Is it any surprise that I now respectfully, help individuals explore, define and express their image, style and brand? Is it any surprise that, in front of a full length mirror, under honest white lights, I teach clients how to appreciate and embrace their natural attributes and strengths? Is it any surprise, that I, wholeheartedly, help them cleanse their closets of attempts to be someone that they are not and to establish a style that is 100% their best selves?
When I founded my current business, AG Image Style Brand, in 2015, I lacked the courage to stand on my own. I latched on to a number of direct selling brands including W by Worth and India Hicks and most recently the delightful Pearl by Lela Rose. It was easier to pretend to be someone else’s brand than my own. But with that came a suppression of my real voice, my real passion and my real purpose. I was acting like a perfect little girl under another strong female’s image for the benefit of that person/brand. Sound familiar? Sure I helped clients look great, learned a lot about fashion and created a great wardrobe. But, that was a fraction of why I studied line, design, color analysis, body type and so much more to become an image consultant.
After five years in this wonderful profession of Image Consulting, I have found my voice. Once again, paradoxically, success requires transparency and honesty to teach and inspire my clients. Confidently and proudly, I have shed the brands upon which I relied and honestly, proudly found my true voice.
As of today, I am naked. Yup, naked, but not like you might imagine.
independence #walklikeawoman #success #image #style #brand #andreaclastergreenspan #personaldevelopment #women #freedom #speech #bodyimage
Copyright 2020 Andrea Claster Greenspan LLC. For more information, email me: andrea@andreagreenspan.com